I have this issue where I can’t really get into what I’m doing if I don’t believe it’s authentic. Why trail run? It’s not like Wisconsin has mountains. Why teach yoga? Despite practicing yoga for 17 years and taking my first teacher training 12 years ago, my college credits and experience is in dance. Why ask for a promotion? There are people out there who are better than me. I am not authentic enough in these ways, I didn’t take the right path, or I don’t live in the right place.
|Kettle Moraine State Forest - Northern Unit|
In my search for authenticity, I bring myself down. I hold myself back. Because I don’t think the place, thing, or person is authentic, I don’t engage, and the only person that does a disservice to is me. I hurt myself.
|Photo Credit: Pop Sugar|
I go way back with Imposter Syndrome--let’s call it “IS”. My buddy IS taught me that all the hard work my college degree took didn't mean anything. It told me that even though I made a difficult professional dance team in college, and managed to do well in school while working full-time, was out of luck and had nothing to do with talent. It made me believe that I could only ever ask for or want an entry-level job. It made me think that no matter what I do I couldn’t be an awesome mom. IS made me question what I know to be true.
I’ve decided to ditch IS this year because it’s as toxic as smoking. (That’s arguable.) I won’t let it define me or hold me back from the goals I’ve been wanting to pursue for half my life. We all have to start somewhere, and I’m not in the mood to back down.
In 2020, I expect more running and cycling races, yoga, teaching, and community outreach; more engagement with my alma mater. More networking with friends and coworkers. Expect that I’ll be doing my best while trying to fend off fear. How? Not sure. I’m just going to trust it will all work out.
Do you ever feel this way?
News: I am enough.
More News: So Are You.